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Barbara Harris and Jodie Foster Have a Lot To Answer For

Finn

 

Fandom: X-Files
Pairing: Sk/K

Summary: Walk a mile in another man's shoes. Well... At least jump around a lot in them...
A/N: At the bottom of the fic


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Walter walked through the front door announcing his presence to what appeared to be an empty house. Everything was dark, no indication of anyone around. It was quite disturbing actually, he expected Alex to be home, as was his usual practice.

He wandered into the den and noticed what appeared to be the set up for their traditional end of week movie night. Bowls of popcorn and chips were on the table, the beers nearby, condensation pooling on the table beneath them. As he glanced over the preparations he noticed a small feathered fetish sitting on the table as a centrepiece, a pile of Alex clothes before it.

Grinning to himself as he pictured his lover naked, he cast a quick glance around the room in case he was about to pounce, but a distinct lack of naked man was apparent.

Perhaps he'd wandered upstairs, and was waiting for him to get into the bedroom.

Suiting thought to action, Walter trotted up the stairs and into an empty bedroom.

Somewhat disappointed, he almost missed the soft creak of the front door opening gently.

Walter cursed his absentmindedness as he realised he'd left the door unlocked and slightly ajar in his confusion over the empty house. He strode softly and swiftly to the wall beside the stair so he could survey the entrance hall without being seen.

Peering over the banister, Walter saw the front door open even more and a furtive looking Jasper edging his way in. The canine poked his nose around the door, looking somewhat frantic before edging softly into the entranceway in a sort of sideways scuttle that kept him in the shadows. Walking so softly, there was nary a nail tap, Jasper made his way to the kitchen where he opened the door with his mouth before slipping in and shutting it behind him.

Walter frowned. For the normally hyperactive hound, this was beyond odd. He'd never displayed that sort of behaviour before, nor had he shown the ability to open doors. If he didn't know better, he'd think the dog was learning bad habits off Alex. He had even shut it behind him, showing a sort of focus that was usually beyond the crazy canine.

Pondering that problem Walter failed to see the flash of naked flesh heading for his six.

With a shout muffled by the mouthful of hallway carpet he subsequently almost inhaled, Walter was hammered to the ground, the breath knocked out of him and his gun skittered out of his grasp and partway down the stairs. Still struggling somewhat for breath, he gave a gigantic heave, knocking whoever was on his back off before rolling to sit up against the wall to meet the latest threat.

Which came almost instantly, in the form of a naked Alex Krycek pouncing on him muttering words under his breath.

 

"WalterWalterWalterWalterWalterWalterWalterWalterBossBossBossBossBossBossBossBossBossHappyHappyHappyHappyHappy"

 

Somewhat stunned at the attack and subsequent ramblings Walter stared at his partner who gazed up at him in loving adoration and innocence.

 

"HappyWalterHappyBossHappyWalterHappyBossHappyWalterHappyBossHappyWalterHappyBossHappyWalterHappyBossHappyWalterHappyBossWOOOHOO!"

 

He then placed his face into Walter's chest and nuzzled hard.

Walter automatically placed his arms around his partner giving him a hug, at which the other wiggled violently out of the embrace, jumping to his feet and doing a little dance in a circle.

 

"Woohoo! WalterLovesMeI'mAGoodBoyGoodBoyWheeWoohooWeheeGoodBoyGoodBoyThat'sMeBossManLovesMeBossManLovesMe!"

 

Walter again suddenly had a lapful of squirming naked Alex, a situation that wasn't exactly abnormal, and certainly not unwelcome, but under the current puzzling circumstances, it was amazingly surreal.

Alex suddenly jumped off him, placing an unfortunate foot in Walter's crotch in the process, rendering him momentarily unable to think or move, before dashing off down the hall to the bedroom, still muttering nonsense.

 

"OoohPresentPresentPresentPresentPresentPresentToyToyToyToyToyToyHappyBossManHappyBossManHappyBossManHappyBossManHappyBossMan"

 

Walter rolled over, groaning softly to himself, just in time to see the kitchen door open. Jasper sauntered out, radiating attitude, and a slinky walk that was normally attributed more to felines than canines. He'd somehow blackened the white spots on his fur and grasped carefully in his teeth, lips peeled back to avoid being cut, was a large, sharp knife. He stepped into the den for a moment, before returning with the feathered fetish hung securely around the base of his tail. He moved with purpose swiftly to the front door, peering carefully out before soundlessly slipping into the night.

Walter felt more and more as if he were hurtling down the rabbit hole with no visible end except perhaps the punja spikes the White Rabbit may have installed after his last visitor.

A frantically bouncing Alex soon made a reappearance dropping something cold, furry and still somewhat wet into Walter's lap, before sitting back and grinning manically at the deeply confused man.

 

"BadRatBadRatBadBadBadBadBadGoodBoyGoodBoyGoodBoyGoodBoyGoodBoyThat'sMeThat'sMeGoodBoyGoodBoy"

 

Sure enough, the corpse of a well worried rat lay in repose in Walter's lap. Giving a convulsive shudder at the blood still evident on the fur, Walter shoved it onto the floor before staring at the nude bobbing rear of Alex as he made his way into the bathroom, skidding into the wall and rebounding a few times before his bare feet had enough traction to complete the trip.

Trying to work out the wrong turn he'd made coming home, he realised that Alex had not returned from the bathroom. Not exactly fearing the worst, but definitely fearing what new insanity could be drawn from the situation, he pulled himself off the floor and peered carefully around the bathroom door.

Only to find Alex face down in the toilet bowl, happily drinking away. Walter's cough of disbelief was enough for the other man to jerk his head up to see what the sound was.

Unfortunately, this caused the toilet seat to tip down and slam on the back of his head.

Walter flinched back from the howl of pain, magnified harshly by the tiles in the bathroom, before being almost crash tackled back into the hall by a whining Alex, who buried his wet head into Walter's stomach, complaining and whimpering loudly.

 

"OwwieowwiwowowowowowowowowowhurthurthurthurthurtBossmakeitbetterpleaseMakeitbetterhurtOwieowieowie"

 

Walter tried to calm the anxious man in his arms, stroking his back and murmuring sweet comforting nothings as he rubbed the back of his head. He twisted halfway around as he heard the front door creak open once again, looking through the gaps in the banister to the floor below.

A determined looking Jasper, trotted in, sniffed a few times and glanced up, meeting Walter's eyes before making it up the stairs in a dead run.

With a look of complete concentration in his eyes, the large dog jerked his head towards the naked body in Walter's arms, propelling a small feathered object he'd held in his mouth towards the still whimpering Alex.

The fetish, remarkably similar to the one he'd seen downstairs impacted Alex in the small of the back and Jasper looked on, expectantly.

A blue glow encased both man and dog before somehow shifting and merging back into their bodies.

Jasper immediately stopped still and sat down, licking curiously at his all black fur.

Alex relaxed into Walter's embrace with a sigh of deep relief before looking up at his baffled partner with a look of wry humour in his eyes.

Eyes that suddenly held intelligence it was missing before.

Alex made a few muffled growling noises before pulling himself together and hugging Walter hard.

 

"Really. Don't. Ask. How. My Day. Has Been."

 

They both glanced over at Jasper, who was happily licking his balls with a zeal that proclaimed his satisfaction in a job he'd been unable to complete previously, while in a body that just didn't bend that way.

Alex licked his lips instinctively before shuddering as the taste registered.

 

"One moment..."

 

He stepped into the bathroom with much more decorum than his earlier entrance, and Walter could soon hear the frantic sounds of a man who couldn't brush his teeth fast enough.

Alex stepped back out, cleaner and dry and totally unselfconscious about his nudity and cast a jaundiced look at the dog who was busily licking his paws. Pulling his lover to his feet he stated his need in no uncertain tones.

 

"Come on. I want to get you on all fours and fuck you cross eyed."

 

He dragged his unresisting lover into the bedroom and shut the door firmly.

Jasper looked up a moment later at the growl that echoed through the bedroom door before returning to the fascinating practice of chasing his tail.

Unnoticed by both men and dog, the feathered fetish glowed softly before disappearing into thin air...

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A/N: For Peja's Freaky Friday Challenge...

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