Squeak Sqwiky-sqwiky Squnk



Fandom: X-files

Pairing: Sk/K

Rating: PG

Spoilers: None
Summary: Alex amuses himself in the park.

A/N: For Peja's "Thinking" challenge: A story which begins with "<Character Name> wasn't thinking about sex when..."


Walter Skinner wasn't thinking about sex when he first saw what Alex Krycek had pulled out of his jeans, but that was only because he didn't recognise what it was straight away. The older man was perched atop a low wall in the park enjoying the sun, while his partner lounged on the grass before him. Upon closer inspection, however, Walter quickly identified the plastic packet; as Alex tore it open carefully with his teeth.

"Alex... What are you going to do with that condom?"

He eyed his fully clothed partner warily, before glancing around the crowded park, knowing never to underestimate the man. That condom was certainly giving him ideas, but the civic location was less than conducive to the type of action he was considering.

Alex just raised both eyebrows questioningly, as if handling a condom in public was a natural thing to do, before placing the circle of latex into his mouth and humming something softly.

Walter's memory quickly filled in the words as he tried to identify the tune.


"Isn't it rich?

Aren't we a pair?

Me here at last on the ground,

You in mid-air..."


"Send in the Clowns?"


Alex grinned widely and wiggled his eyebrows as he continued humming, while seemingly doing interesting things in his mouth with his tongue, if the apparent movements and manipulations were of any indication.

Alex showed the opened wrapper to Walter, but it was a brand he'd never seen before. Something akin to "Sonky's Finest". Alex tucked it into the other man's shirt pocket before inhaling deeply through his nose.

And exhaling hard through his mouth.

With crossed eyes, and red puffy cheeks, Alex strained to blow, and like a large white whale, (The Moby Dick variety, natch) the inflated mass was slowly extruded out of his mouth.

It was supremely surreal to Walter, as, One: He was used to that shape going in the opposite direction, and Two: He'd never seen a condom inflate quite that way before. It wasn't bulging around like the normal inflated condoms he'd seen at parties, but instead it extended out smoothly to a long, long sausage shape.

Walter glanced quickly around and blushed deeply. Alex's ministrations had attracted a small crowd. Not that the numbers surrounding the two were actually small, but the individuals within it were. Children from nearby had been attracted by the odd looking man with one arm inflating a big white balloon.

Alex grinned widely around a fully inflated condom, and held the end shut with his teeth. Narrowing his eyes in concentration, his mouth writhed a bit around the protrusion before relaxing and spitting out a perfectly tied end.

Walter's eyes glazed a bit as he realised the other man had just tied off the end of a fully inflated condom with his tongue. Rowr. Cherry stems be dammed.

With the tip of said tongue sticking slightly out of the corner of his mouth, Alex went to work on the inflated condom, in a display of manual dexterity that a two armed man would have problems with


***schreeeeeeeeeeek scrtch-sqnk sqwik-sqwick-sqweek SqUnK schreeeeeeeeeeek SqUnK schreeeeeeeeeeek Wdah-Wdah quonk schreeeeeeeeeeek scrtch-sqnk***


The children "Oohed" and "Aahed" at the resultant white elephant produced, and Alex gave his creation a quick shake and twist, causing the aerated pachyderm to unravel with a *fwoomph* before applying himself once more.


***scrtch-sqnk huff-huff plop schreeeeeeeeeeek Wdah-Wdah quonk
schreeeeeeeeeeek scrtch-sqnk huff-huff sqwik-sqwick-sqweek reeEeEeEEk Wdah-Wdah plop quonk plop quonk sqwiky-sqwiky huff-huff huff-huff scrtch-sqnk SqUnK***


A lifelike white moose was the next result, to the delight of the watching audience


***squeak Wdah-Wdah reeEeEeEEk sqwiky-sqwiky plop scrtch-sqnk SqUnK
sqwik-sqwick-sqweek schreeeeeeeeeeek quonk sqwik-sqwick-sqweek huff-huff
sqwiky-sqwiky sqwiky-sqwiky sqwik-sqwick-sqweek Wdah-Wdah ***


Alex frowned at the odd looking mass, which looked suspiciously like a deformed potato before continuing on.


***SQUEEEK huff-huff reeEeEeEEk reeEeEeEEk schreeeeeeeeeeek SqUnK SqUnK sqwiky-sqwiky squeak quonk reeky-rck sqwiky-sqwiky sqwiky-sqwiky SqUnK SQUEEEK***


Finally a white grizzly bear was fashioned, and Alex presented it to Walter with a flourish, before bowing to his groupies, who, after some applause, drifted back to what they had been doing before.

Walter took a closer look at his gift, noting that, somehow, Alex had manipulated the inflated prophylactic so that the reservoir was apparent as a small dangly bit between the bear's haunches.

Hauling his amused partner bodily to his feet, Walter dragged him out of the park, back towards home, muttering all the way on the plans he had for his partner's dexterous fingers and tongue in the near future.

Alex just patted his pocket which held more of the sonkies ready for future use, and let himself be led off, a mischievous grin planted firmly on his face.



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